BBQ

I’m not saying Trump deserves a bad birthday. Given all he’s done to tear down America, to undermine peace in the world, and to enrich himself, I’m saying he deserves an atrocious birthday. Having his name removed from the Kennedy Center on Friday night was a great start. But his Mixed Martial Arts fight to celebrate his birthday — I mean Flag Day — offers an embarrassment-rich environment. He could fall asleep during the matches. The ratings could be low.

But I prefer to consider the possibility of a more divine embarrassment. Like having the Octagon on the White House lawn become a giant lightning rod that turns the fighting cage into a BBQ pit.

To be clear, I’m not hoping anyone gets BBQ’d. I’m simply rooting for the cage to become capable of barbecuing anyone who steps into it. Because what could be worse for Trump than heavenly intervention that outright cancels his party? And what could be better than having Hegseth, whose performative piety means he never misses an opportunity to speak on behalf of God, get a glimpse of his ultimate reward?

Is this petty of me to wish for Trump’s 80th birthday to be his worst? Yes. Do I mind? I don’t if He doesn’t.

sketchier